the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
