We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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