Non-Jews are for practice
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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