i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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