it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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