Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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