you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
