Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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