Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
