i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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