a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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