Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
