if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
