Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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