I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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