So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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