Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
