I cockslap morals
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
