Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
