I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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