Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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