I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
