hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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