**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
