Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I thought you said his peep was too small

(1-505): View more from New Mexico

it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

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(505): I thought you said his peep was too small (1-505): it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on. http://tfl.nu/ttsw

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(678): View more from Georgia

What are you drinking?

(404): View more from Georgia

Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL

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(678): What are you drinking? (404): Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL http://tfl.nu/iqly

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

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(856): I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch. http://tfl.nu/64iu

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.

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(402): Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little. http://tfl.nu/w7gx

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(417): View more from Missouri

My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.

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(417): My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah. http://tfl.nu/uiae

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(419): View more from Ohio

It'd be like medium rare by now.

(1-419): View more from Ohio

I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.

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(419): It'd be like medium rare by now. (1-419): I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat. http://tfl.nu/d8mh

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(802): View more from Vermont

Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.

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(802): Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle. http://tfl.nu/jhbj

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?

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(920): did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve? http://tfl.nu/wzep

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.

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(412): Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day. http://tfl.nu/ky2l

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(501): View more from Arkansas

It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.

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(501): It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool. http://tfl.nu/crm3

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.

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(262): But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK. http://tfl.nu/jmv1

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(856): View more from New Jersey

he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..

(856): View more from New Jersey

i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.

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(856): he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio.. (856): i wasnt really sure how to responde to that. http://tfl.nu/m794

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(714): View more from California

You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.

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(714): You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus. http://tfl.nu/3jtv

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(+61): View more from Australia

I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.

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(+61): I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in. http://tfl.nu/ilgv

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.

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(484): Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you. http://tfl.nu/arry

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