What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
