Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
