Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.