Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him

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  (336): he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down (919): i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him http://tfl.nu/upw6
  Replies (67) Good night (4061) Bad night (1272)
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  (510): View more from California

  He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.

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  (510): He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him. http://tfl.nu/gqvc
  Replies (13) Good night (911) Bad night (3488)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  im trying to make cookies in the george foreman

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  (757): im trying to make cookies in the george foreman http://tfl.nu/otmc
  Replies (18) Good night (4893) Bad night (1071)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

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  (413): The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again. http://tfl.nu/v6ko
  Replies (19) Good night (8090) Bad night (1502)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady

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  (250): there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady http://tfl.nu/zjtt
  Replies (5) Good night (988) Bad night (2487)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.

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  (318): Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks. http://tfl.nu/1pi3
  Replies (5) Good night (2610) Bad night (971)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.

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  (248): I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back. http://tfl.nu/312y
  Replies (9) Good night (1828) Bad night (682)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.

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  (941): I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out. http://tfl.nu/omsw
  Replies (7) Good night (1344) Bad night (953)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"

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  (902): You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot" http://tfl.nu/alep
  Replies (5) Good night (1370) Bad night (457)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.

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  (512): She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on. http://tfl.nu/lja4
  Replies (17) Good night (859) Bad night (1370)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.

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  (320): Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/lfii
  Replies (3) Good night (1500) Bad night (452)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!

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  (256): I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight! http://tfl.nu/qi7p
  Replies (3) Good night (1003) Bad night (847)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars

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  (206): Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars http://tfl.nu/0i0u
  Replies (1) Good night (676) Bad night (399)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??

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  (817): Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do?? http://tfl.nu/z8vo
  Replies (2) Good night (350) Bad night (588)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....

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  (613): He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad.... http://tfl.nu/p0ok
  Replies (3) Good night (396) Bad night (850)

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