she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
