Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
