im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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