Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
