yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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