Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
