Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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