i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
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The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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