Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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