We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
