I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
