You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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