he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
