did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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