Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
