apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
