girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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