So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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