just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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