Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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