his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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