You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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