haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
