I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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