He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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