Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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