why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize