I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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