he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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