Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
