I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
