hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
