Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You are a genius and a whore.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
