I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
