I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
