My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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