I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
