Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
