hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
