I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
