she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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