Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
