This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
