franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
