Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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