Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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