he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
