We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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