Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
