I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
