I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
