I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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