a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize