i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
