Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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