So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
