I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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