Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
