can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Everything about him screamed your future.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
