well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
