thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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