She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
