I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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