Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
