I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
