my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
