worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
