cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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