Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
