So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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