I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
