next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
