Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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