Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
